


After The Chaos

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Series: Barisi Ficlets [6]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Barisi - Freeform, Bathing/Washing, Bisexual Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Bisexual Rafael Barba, Caretaking, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s19e19 Sunk Cost Fallacy, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Massage, Medical Trauma, Men Crying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Rafael Barba, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rafael takes care of Sonny, Trauma, established Rafael/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: Rafael takes care of Sonny after the car crash of Sunk Cost Fallacy. We didn't get the hurt/comfort we needed for him.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: Barisi Ficlets [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845442
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	After The Chaos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PurrsephoneQuinn27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurrsephoneQuinn27/gifts).



> Hope ya'll like this!

Rafael hadn’t been out of New York more than two weeks before he got a call from Olivia. He had skyped his boyfriend only hours before, Sonny was understandably upset about their current case, a mother and her daughter attempting to escape abuse. They’d made enough of a case to put the mother in protective custody. Sonny would be the one driving her to the safe house, that was the last he had heard from his detective boyfriend. He hadn’t heard anything after that, as he began to get nervous his phone rang and it was Olivia.

There had been a car wreck, a violent one, the woman had not survived. Sonny was being checked out by EMT’s to be cleared and was refusing to go to the hospital. He’d never been happier that Amanda was with him and he couldn’t get his heart to stop pounding as he ran through the airport at break-neck speed. He took the first red-eye out of Iowa, if he timed it right he’d be back home by midnight.

Sonny hadn’t texted him yet, but Rollins had, she informed him that she would make damn sure that he was indeed properly checked out and she would take him home and stay with him until Rafael was back in town. He didn’t have to make her promise that Sonny wouldn’t be left alone. Because the man was definitely in shock that much was true.

It took too damn long, his leg never stopped bobbing up and down between every departure. He was able to grab a cab with little to no trouble and encourage the driver to speed. Not soon enough he was parked outside of his and Sonny’s apartment, formally only Rafael’s, and he grabbed his luggage in a hurry and rushed into the elevator to the sixth floor.

He hardly had his keys in the lock when the door opened revealing Amanda Rollins, her eyes wide and hands out, “Raf he’s okay.” she said without warrant.

“So says you, where is he?” Rafael said, shucking his luggage on the floor and shrugging out of his long coat.

“They gave him heavy pain meds. I put him to bed but not without an argument. He’s been in and out, concussion but nothing that should be worrisome. He just needs to sleep it off. He’s really shook up and the EMT’s mentioned shock. He’s as stubborn as a child.” Amanda sighed, scrubbing at her face, and she looked as exhausted as Rafael was feeling after his long and stressful trip home. “What worries me?” she shook her head, “He hasn’t said one word besides ‘no hospital’. I don’t even think he knows you were coming home even though I told him you were. He didn’t even react, just keeps staring off into nowhere. I cleaned him up as best as I could, he’s got a few stitches but nothing life-threatening. It’s guilt that’s gonna do it. You know him as well as I do. It’s gonna be the guilt. That’s why he’s not talking.”

Rafael tried to file through Amanda’s stressed rambling as much as he could. He finally took a breath, swallowed harshly and then patted her on both shoulders, “Thank you so much for staying with him. What a shitty time to be out of town, huh? Goddamnitt…I should have been here sooner.”

“What were you gonna do, huh? Teleport? You got here as fast as you could. Are you good? Do you need me to run anywhere?”

“No, Amanda, thank you again, you’ve been so much help. I’ve got it from here.”

Amanda gave a tight smile and then something that shocked Rafael to his core she hugged him, patted him on both shoulders as he had done and she made her leave, “Keep me updated.”

“I will.” he nodded, cleared his throat and locked up. He went to the kitchen sink and splashed his face with water and decided against having a drink. Their bedroom was twilight lit, not quite dark and that immediately sent up red flags. Normally Sonny slept in total darkness.

Sonny was on the bed, on top of the covers, curled on his side and hugging a pillow to his chest, he seemed to be dozing as much as Rafael could gather. He very carefully took a seat on the edge of the bed, making sure not to cause the mattress to dip to suddenly. Sonny’s eye were half-lidded, staring off into nowhere, “Sweetheart,” he began softly, studying his disheveled state. There was a bandage across his forehead and the remanence of blood along his hairline and collar. His tie was loose around his throat, almost falling off and he could see it was one he’d personally bought him. Their first anniversary. It was soaked in blood. He knew if Amanda could have, she would have removed it but something told him Sonny wasn’t allowing a lot of touch.

He took a chance and pressed two fingertips to his cheek, “Baby… you with me?”

If it had been under any other circumstances Rafael would think he was drunk, the way he blinked over and over as if trying to focus, “Rafi? Baby?”

Rafael managed a small smile, “I’m right here…”

“When did you get here? D-Did you call me? D-Did I miss it?” he croaked.

“Sweetheart no, you didn’t. I got here about ten minutes ago. Took me forever to get here…”

“Who called you?”

Rafael only shook his head, “Honey, Liv called me you think you could get hurt without me knowing about it?”

“I’m not hurt…” he slurred, running his tongue over his lips languidly, “Not me…it wasn’t me…I didn’t…”

“That bandage says otherwise, mi sol.” as long as he was allowed this touch, he gently ran fingers through his blondish hair, earning him a soft sigh.

“I didn’t die…” Sonny said dismissively, his eyes glazing over, “I-I didn’t…I should have…”

Rafael felt his heart jolt, wishing he could banish any all feelings of guilt from his boyfriend’s mind. But he knew this man, inside and out, and his caring nature wouldn’t allow it. “Don’t start with me.” he spoke sternly, “Don’t even start…God you scared the hell out of me.”

Sonny’s eyes pinched shut and he brought one hand up from the pillow to cover his face, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…”

Rafael didn’t waste anymore time, he rounded the other side of the bed, toed off his shoes and suit jacket and crawled into bed beside Sonny. He quickly gathered him into his arms and thankfully Sonny went willingly, “No te arrepientas cariño. You would never hurt someone willingly. You did everything you could I know of the case and I want you to stop blaming yourself. You’re safe, you’re alive and that’s okay. It’s not wrong that you’re alive and with me.”

“Didn’t do my job…” Sonny sobbed so roughly it sounded painful, “She was hurt…her little girl doesn’t have a mom now.”

Rafael took a breath, praying to a god he didn’t believe in to find the right words. “Baby, do you think you dying would have righted things?”

Sonny buried his injured face, drying blood still visible, against Rafael’s throat. He burrowed deliberately and begun to cling desperately. That was answer enough.

“When I woke up…all I could think of was…I didn’t wanna leave you…how selfish is that…I could only see your face.” Sonny cried.

It was then that Rafael had successfully pulled Sonny’s ruined dress shirt up from his slacks to press finger tips up and down his spine, a known technique to calm him during panic attacks. Blessedly goosebumps rose over his flesh. It always calmed him, now was no different, in fact Sonny was moving into such an attack, it was heard in the hitching of his breath the escalation of his tears. Raf kissed his forehead, then one cheek and his nose, “Not selfish, normal. You don’t think I would have the same reaction? Would you call me selfish?”

There was a small moment of silence before Sonny gasped, “No…”

“Exactly…it’s horrible. It is. But you surviving isn’t a crime, nor is it unnatural. You survived, pure and simple. You’re here with me, you’re safe, and that’s okay.”

“I’m sorry you had to hurry here…” Sonny hiccupped, nuzzling once more like a cat.

Rafael rolled his eyes, but only continued to delicately run his fingers up and down Sonny’s spine, adding pressure when he thought it appropriate. “Wouldn’t you do the same?”

He knew it would shut him up and it did.

“Rafi…I love you…so much…”

“I love you too cariño,” he smoothed his blood-crusted hair away from his forehead, “Would you be up for cleaning up? Or do you just wanna sleep?”

He could hear Sonny swallow, loudly, “I-I want this off of me…please…I-I’m kinda cloudy…things are fuzzy.”

“That’s okay,” Rafael interrupted, “You think I’m gonna leave you alone? I want you to stay here and I’ll get it ready.”

“N-No,” Sonny spat, his fingers clinging almost painfully into Rafael’s arms, “I-I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Honey, I’ll be just a second,” he kissed his forehead and then his lips, “Just a second I’ll be right back.”

Rafael moved up from the bed, thankful that adrenaline was still fueling him, he ran water in their huge tub and added soap. He undressed just as quickly, wrapping a towel around his waist and returning to the bedroom.

By this time Sonny was sitting up, “Where’d you go…”

Rafael frowned and his worry skyrocketed, “Sweetheart, I’m running the bath. Come on, let’s get you undressed and clean, then bed.”

Sonny nodded, chewing his bottom lip.

Rafael situated his boyfriend on the edge of the bed, removed his tie first, then moved to his dress shirt. His pants were equally ruined, all of his outfit would have to be tossed, the rusty sent of blood was in the air and he examined the comforter and could see blood as well had flaked off. Thankfully he hadn’t crawled under the sheets just yet.

“I wish I could carry you but I can’t, come on,” he spoke gently, leading a naked Carisi into the bathroom and into the hot water. He situated them both inside the porcelain, with Carisi’s back pressed against his front.

Sonny had gone quiet again, no crying, no sobbing, no more words period. He’d merely slumped backwards against Rafael, so he held him close. Slowly washing him with the sponge from the side of the tub. He guarded his bandage as he washed his hair, keeping it dry, but still knowing he would change it before they went to bed.

He was jolted out of the silence when Sonny turned around in the tub and pressed his face against Rafael’s throat, like he had in bed. The water sloshed and fell over the side of the tub but Raf didn’t care, “Hey, hey, you’re alright, I’m here. Shhh, take a breath.” he resumed the stroking of Sonny’s back, his skin slick, clean, and warm. He had never been more thankful for such a large tub, Sonny’s long limbs only slightly draped over the end of the claw footed tub. He allowed the momentary silence, stroking his back, running fingers up the nape of his neck and into his hair. Before Sonny fully dozed he found it prudent to speak, “Let’s go to bed, you’re all clean now all of it’s gone. Come on.”

It was a challenge, there was no doubt there, as he eased Sonny up from the tub, wrapped him in a towel and set him on the toilet seat. He combed back Sonny’s hair, rebandaged his forehead and led him back to the bed.

“Don’t want pajamas only wanna feel you,” Sonny slurred, and it was thankfully a calm statement.

Rafael pulled back the sheets, removed the comforter and replaced it with a clean quilt, turned their side-table fan on and tucked Sonny in. He did the same, forgoing pajamas, dried off and slipped naked into the bed and pulled Sonny close. Flesh to flesh seemed to calm them both, Rafael wouldn’t deny. For the first time all day he breathed a sigh of relief. The exhaustion finally settling in and he could almost cry.

“You can turn the light off…” Sonny huffed, “You’re here now…I’m okay…”

Rafael’s eyes began to burn, the rest of the day catching up, “Okay sweetheart.” he leaned sideways and did just that, “Close your eyes. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going back to Iowa.”

Sonny hiccoughed another weak sob, “Okay…okay please…”

“I’m right here.” Rafael sighed, kissing the top of his head, his damp hair, wrapping arms around his still warm flesh, “Not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a review!


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